How do you see yourself as a catalyst for change?
One of the things I love about being a sexuality educator is helping people new ways to experience joy and pleasure. It’s especially fun to introduce people to new things that they didn’t even know they’d enjoy. In my view, one of the many problems our culture faces is the disconnect between head, heart, and body, so bringing all of those together and empowering people to explore their desires is social activism on a microcosmic scale. Other folks can handle the big picture- I like the one-on-one work.
My new book “The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure,” which I wrote with Aislinn Emirzan, is also serving as a catalyst. More men and their partners are sharing their experiences around prostate massage and pegging, and in many cases, it’s transforming their sex lives and their relationships. For some, it’s walking a mile in the other person’s shoes. For others, it’s discovering that there’s more to sex than intercourse. Or maybe it’s just expanding their sexual repertoire. And while each person’s milage does vary, we’re helping lots of folks explore new pleasures and new ways to have sex. If that’s not a catalyst for change, I don’t know what is!
Who or what was a catalyst for you?
The most important catalyst for me has been and continues to be my partner. We’ve been on some incredible journeys together and each time we find ourselves at the beginning of a new one, it’s another opportunity to grow and change together. My friends and my lovers play a big part in that, of course, but I truly wouldn’t be the person I am without the care, love, and occasional kicks in the ass I get from my sweetie.
What do you feel are some of the biggest challenges or concerns facing us in the field of sexuality right now?
As our world speeds up with media, the internet in your pocket, and the ever-shifting economic winds, it’s harder than ever to be fully present with yourself and your partner(s). We’re more focused on having the BEST SEX EVER that we forget that the most amazing meal can be in front of us and we miss it because we’re not paying attention, even as we’re eating it. I see this shape individuals lives, as well as the larger community of sex educators, coaches, researchers, and therapists, by encouraging us to look for the easy fix or the quick answer.
Everything in our lives affects our sex. I want more sexuality professionals to bring in that larger perspective and use it to inform our work. Otherwise, we’re likely to make the problem worse, even when we think we’re helping.
Why do you feel it is important to bring the topic of your session, How To Be A Top Presenter, to CatalystCon East?
There are a lot of amazing sex educators in our community. They know their topic and they bring passion to their work. But without teaching and presentation skills, their messages get lost. I’ve seen a lot of workshops not fulfill their potential, simply because the presenter was using the wrong tool for what they wanted to do. My goal for this session is to offer a few techniques that have helped me tremendously in order to enable other sex educators to be the best presenters the can be.
Why do you feel it is important to bring the topic of your session, Take It Like A Man, to CatalystCon East?
When we wrote “The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure,” we surveyed 200 men and their partners about their experiences, desires, and concerns. One of the big questions that many folks face is whether an interest in prostate play means anything about a guy’s gender, sexual orientation, or masculinity. Overcoming these hurdles enables more people to explore their attitudes and beliefs around sex, gender, sexual orientation, and power. It also makes room for new pleasures and discovery.
Share one unknown (or little known) fact about yourself.
I used to be vegan. One of those annoying, in-your-face, holier-than-thou vegans. Thank goodness I outgrew that. (The obnoxious part. I stopped being vegan because my body said it needed me to.)